Continuing in the spirit of our Sacred Feminine posts, I want to talk about our relationships with other women. And in the interests of still having other women to have relationships with, I hope every single one of you took some time for yourselves yesterday and celebrated Human Rights Day by taking care of the special being that you are. 🙂
I don't think there is a single one of us who can't raise their hand and say that they're guilty of judging another woman for her looks, style, behaviour or any number of other things that pop into our heads. We, as a population group, spend a lot of time sowing discontent and dislike among our own. Does the phrase, "divide and conquer" ring any bells?
It comes back down to our own mirrors. I don't have to even think of working on a part of me that judges career women because being a career woman was something I was proud of. On the other hand, I'm chunky. Sure I'm a luscious goddess but I also have days where I don't feel confident in my skin. On those days the battle is on! Less so with my self talk and more so with the way I feel about other women. It's a battle I feel I'm winning but it's a conscious choice not to judge a woman by her body.
This is another thing we're conditioned to do. You don't believe me? We're not conditioned to judge? Maybe not, but we are conditioned to compete. Think of the things your parents told you as a child, the good, the bad and the ugly. Things like, "why can't you be more like your sister/cousin/brother?" or "you're picking up weight. You need to go on a diet." or "you look like Miss Piggy". Those are obvious problem statements and chances are, you now look back on them and realise where they came from and are able to shrug them off.
What about the supportive statements like, "You are so much better at (insert skill here) than Fifi" or "I can't understand why said boyfriend would leave you for her!" Wonderfully supportive but just as wonderfully supportive of the feeling that you are in competition with other women.
Add to this the dysfunctionality of many young girls feeling they have to earn a parent's love and you have an atmosphere that is so rife with competitive spirit that it seems like fair play to undermine your perceived competitors.
See what I mean by conditioning? Even those of us who were raised in loving environments have been taught to compete to a greater or lesser degree. The root of competition is not healthy. The root of competition is perceived threat. And this feeling of threat from other women is something we seem to carry with us through the years.
So how do we fix it? There's no easy way because this is life. It takes conscious attention to our own thoughts and triggers and then a conscious decision to put a stop to the judgement. You see, there really is no threat from other women. Every single one of us is perfect in our imperfections. There is no such thing as too much or too little because to believe that is to believe that we are too true to ourselves.
It's time to stand up and take a decision that women are not the enemy. Each one of us is doing our best with what we have and if we aren't then instead of passing judgement, let's hold out a hand and comfort and love our sisters until they are strong enough to be the best women they can be.