What we don't confront in ourselves, we see in others. It's a knee jerk reaction seldom based on fact but only on expectation. It's the reason we dislike some people instantly and love others unconditionally. Confrontation doesn't have to be a negative experience. It's merely looking within.
Remember how I asked if it was possible that the person you've been looking for all along is you? Our sub-conscious knows the beauty within us even if we don't consciously see it ourselves. When a person with similar traits comes along that is what attracts us. It does the same with our wounding. We attract people with similar wounding so often because we are being subtly reminded that we need to heal those aspects of ourselves.
Similarly, if our default behaviour follows a certain pattern, we will automatically assume others will behave in the same way. I'm not talking about in your face proof of their behaviour. I'm talking about those moments when we make assumptions that aren't based on all the facts.
That's exactly why people who expect the best of people get hurt and people who expect the worst of people continue to see the worst. We create our own realities but those realities are impacted by the people around us.
So you create a reality where people are like you. You believe them to be kind and loving and honest and then they show you that they aren't. It's not your fault and it hurts but at the same time, your expectation was flawed. You based your reality on who you are without allowing for differences.
Or you create a reality where people are mean spirited and nasty, where they lie to you. And you look for evidence of that in all things... someone looking at you becomes someone glaring at you... someone saying no and setting a healthy boundary becomes someone who does nothing for you... EVER. It's also a false reality that doesn't allow for differences.
So how do we overcome this? We allow our reality to form based on evidence. We don't jump to immediate conclusions. We look within and find our own shadow self so that we are aware of our faults and the triggers they cause. We look within and find our own vulnerability so that we are aware of where we need to ensure we have boundaries.
We don't need to build walls. We don't need to isolate ourselves. We just need to learn to stop putting the weight of our expectations and our wounding on other people's shoulders.