3. Sep, 2018

This is where it ends

I often wonder if the things I see in others that make my hackles rise are things that I'm not confronting in myself. It's why I spend so much time soul searching and examining my actions and my motives.

Yesterday I found myself on the receiving end of a venomous diatribe. I had a lot of hatred hurled at me along with countless accusations and insults. I sat in silence and watched and listened. I won't pretend it didn't hurt. I won't pretend that I'm not examining every word for truth. 

The beauty of being my age and having dealt with all this stuff before is that I recognise projection for what it is. I have learned not to react because any reaction from me will just make it worse. Experience really is an excellent teacher. 

I had a parent who used to advise me to "take it from whence it comes". I suppose there's truth in that statement. I wish I could be that far removed from people but the fact is, I care about their pain too. I feel pain for them because I know that they have a long hard journey ahead of them learning that you can't behave like that and expect everything to be okay. When you lash out at someone you leave scars on your own soul as well as theirs. 

I feel pain for them but I also know that I can no longer walk the path of healing with them. In order for a healer to do their work there has to be love and respect from both sides. When it disappears then you know that you're beating your head against a brick wall. Does that mean I don't love this person? Of course I love them. I also know though that in order for me to carry on my work both with others and myself, I have to distance myself. I have to draw a line in the sand and not allow it to carry on. And then I have to build a bridge and get over it.