7. Oct, 2018

Just me

I was reminded this past weekend of how inferior and intimidated I used to feel by people who managed to look dark and mysterious. I was a pagan girl and yet I looked so damn ordinary. I couldn't wing my eyeliner and if I'd tried to go for the goth look I'd probably have looked like a fairy princess at a funeral. I just couldn't do it. 

I'll share something with you. I was a bit of a nerd... I still am. I probably always will be. And that's okay. When that reminder came to me this weekend I realised that if I had gotten that look right a few things would have changed in my life. I would have been limited to a specific type of persona. I wouldn't be able to express myself differently every single day. I wouldn't have looked approachable and dear gods! There is nothing I love more than meeting people from every single walk of life. 

Most importantly though, I would have spent my life living behind the barrier that is created when you try to look like what you are. It becomes more about exploring the appearance than it does about exploring your inner corridors. It becomes about likes on a picture instead of love for a soul. It becomes about validation from others instead of acceptance of self. 

I'm glad I never learned to wing my eyeliner. I embrace being my nerdy self. I embrace the fact that there are so many more people who feel they can relate to me and open up to me. So I'll continue to wear black because it's slimming and I'll wear pink on the days I feel like it. And I'll paint my nails whatever colour I want to and keep my hair red and curly. But most of all, I'll relish the freedom of being whoever I want to be because when I do that, I allow those around me to do the same.