11. Oct, 2018

Victims

What does the word victim mean to you and how do you use it? Do you consider yourself victimised in some way? Or do you accuse people of pulling the victim card? Maybe you've been the victim of some kind of abuse or you get told that you're playing the victim in a situation.

The problem with being a victim is that the word itself as well as the situation it implies are completely disempowering. So whether you are being the victim or calling someone else a victim, you are playing a role in disempowering either yourself or them. 

That's all pretty straightforward and most of us know this already, right? That's why so many people choose the label of "survivor" over "victim".

There are two aspects to this word that I want to talk about though. Two things that people rarely seem to either see in themselves or acknowledge in others. 

First of all, there are people who would never call themselves victims but who propagate a victim mindset. Events take place in their world which cause them stress or discomfort and it becomes a blame game or a self pity game. It doesn't matter how tough things get, if you focus on how hard done by you are, you are disempowering yourself and taking away from the energy you need to make things better. 

The second aspect comes from the other end of the spectrum. Have you noticed how people who you draw a boundary with will accuse you of a victim mindset when you voice that boundary? It's a clear sign of emotional immaturity (which is present in every abuser out there) that they will begin pointing fingers and name calling as soon as you don't want to play by their rules any more. The more manipulative ones will flip it around and accuse you of victimising them because of the boundary you've drawn. 

I'm going to compare both of these types of people to addicts. Unless they are prepared to acknowledge that they have a problem, take responsibility for that problem and then fix that problem, they are not going to change. 

Once again, it's about choice and responsibility. Do you fall into either of these categories? Do you need help changing? Or are you involved with someone like this? Is it something you want to continue to expose yourself. This is where your choice and your responsibility come in. Use it well.