Voluntary drowning victims
I'm not good at ignoring messages from the Universe (unless they're messages I don't want to hear, then I'm awesome at it). So there have been two things right up in my face over the past few days and they seem to be intrinsically connected.
First of all, a quote from Hippocrates (and who the hell even knows if he said it but it's really valid)... "Before you try to heal someone, ask them if they are prepared to give up what made them sick". Secondly a bunch of conversations which came down to our ability to forgive and give a thousand chances to someone before deciding that enough is enough and walking away.
So that was a really long intro but I hope you're getting what I'm getting out of that.
I think that no matter who you are, when you enter into any type of relationship, you automatically become a healer. You nurse the people you love through their own damage and they do the same for you.
If you're a professional healer in any capacity, you would hopefully make sure that you weren't forcing healing on someone who doesn't want it or on someone who doesn't recognise that there is any damage that needs healing.
That's where the difference comes in and we start forgiving the same things over and over again. Because we're not recognising our roles as healers in our relationships, we tend to overlook the question we should be asking at the start. We rush into relationships wanting to heal broken hearts, wanting to teach people that others can be trusted, wanting to take away the hurt caused by untold damage. What we don't realise is that some people are so anchored in their pain that they don't want to let go of it. Their pain becomes their identity and they allow their pain to dictate their actions and are then flabbergasted that they constantly face the same consequences.
No human is completely undamaged but the ones worth laying your life on the line for are the ones who would appreciate that life. It brings us back to people who you could do anything for with no gratitude given and those who you could just smile at with resulting love and appreciation. It's not about personality disorders. It's about the choice to accept love and give it in return instead of staying stuck in the maelstrom of bitterness.
So ask the questions before you try to make someone's life better and remember what Bob Marley said... "Everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth hurting for"