12. Dec, 2018

How about some relationship advice?

I've never been a big advocate of "taking a break" in a relationship. If you have to take an extended break then it's probably better to just have the balls to walk away. People aren't toys and you shouldn't hedge your bets and keep them hanging on a string if you're not sure of what you want. 

At the same time though, I'm a huge fan of time spent apart doing your own thing. We seem to forget that even our relationships need to have that happy medium. It's wonderful that we get all starry eyed in a new relationship and see the person as our sun and our moon. We need to understand though that reality will set in and we'll have to notice that the sun doesn't always shine and that moon waxes and wanes. 

Not one of us is perfect and if we spend all our time joined at the hip with our partner then unfortunately those imperfections become glaring... not because they are so important but because we are putting all our relationship eggs in one basket. When our partner is our only focus, then we get resentful when they don't meet all our expectations. It's called being human. 

When we spend a little bit of time apart doing things that we really love, it tends to have a knock on effect in our relationships. We return to our partners with a new joy, with a joy that we haven't relied on them to provide. That joy seeps into our conversations and activities and our relationships become healthier. 

This wasn't a concept I always understood very well. I misunderstood it because it was constantly cloaked in the negative. People would tell me that it was unhealthy to spend too much time with my partner and the implied criticism would immediately put me on the defensive. There was never any solid reasoning behind it either. If there had been, I might have learned this lesson sooner. 

Either way, it's a lesson worth learning. Spending time away from your partner doesn't take away from your love for them or theirs for you. It brings in an additional aspect and allows that love to grow because it's feeding ground is not limited to one place. So take the time to do what you love, alone or with friends and return to your partner refreshed. Trust me, they might kick back at first but eventually they'll thank you.