Those damn emotions!
Humans are such odd creatures! We have sleepless nights trying to decide whether or not to change jobs, buy a new car, move house. We weigh up the pros and cons, check out specs and histories, talk to experts before we make a decision. Well, some of us do. But that's not the point. The point is that when we pick a life partner, we often rush in hell for leather without giving much thought to it because the hormones and chemicals in our brains suddenly take up ruling our lives.
If you really think about it, it's probably the craziest thing we ever do considering how much we rely on our life partners. This is the person you're going to eat with, sleep with, spend most of your leisure hours with, raise children with, live with and yet you base your decision on how you feel. If you're anything like me, you can probably think of a number of times when you knew exactly what you were looking for in a partner. You may even have written down a list of the most important traits. And then you met someone, threw the list out of the window of the love bus and hopped on the lap of this person who was the exact opposite of everything you wanted. Sound familiar?
Jokes aside though, how do we approach this in a better way. Love isn't something we choose and we can't be completely mercenary about choosing our partners. We can't really explain the attraction we feel to another human being. Love is a purely emotional response triggered by chemicals. If we cast all that aside and only use the logical part of ourselves, then chances are we won't experience being in love with our partners. There's no real point in doing that, is there?
So, as usual, what we need to be searching for is the middle ground. We need to be allowing our emotions to pick a partner and then listening to our brains before we make a lifelong commitment. Maybe then we can avoid patterns where our hearts get broken time and time again by people who probably had no business having that power over us in the first place.
Relationships, like everything else in our lives, are a process. They start with a physical attraction, they move on to falling in love and, in an ideal world, at that point we should be sitting back and analysing whether or not this individual's principles and values align with our own. We need to figure out if their habits are habits we can live with. As good as it is to live in the moment, there comes a time when we need to look to our future and use logic to decide whether or not this is the right decision.
All this may seem cold but when you consider the implications for your future emotional and mental wellbeing, it's probably less cold than rational.
There are so many of us who are brokenhearted after a relationship has fallen apart (again). Sit with that grief but don't beat yourself up. You may or may not have made a bad decision. You may or may not be the innocent party. What is certain though, is that you can't change what has happened. You can however look to your own future and make a decision to be more careful with your heart. You can love with your whole heart and also allow your rational mind to have a say in the matter. And where your rational mind and your heart meet is a little place called wisdom. That little place is a temple to be revered. That little place is where your intuition speaks. That little place is your safe haven which will allow you to move forward and make the decisions in your life that will bring you true joy instead of constant heartache. Find it, make a home of it and move in.