9. Jan, 2019

Control freak

As we blissfully wander down the path of our life, smelling the flowers and gazing at the clouds, the Universe steps in to walk beside us and point out things that we need to pay attention to within ourselves. 

Over the past couple of days the Universe got a bit tired of whispering in my ear and stuck out her foot and tripped me because I'm not paying attention to an age old problem of mine. I'm a complete control freak! I can give you a list of reasons as long as my arm stretching right back to my childhood for why I feel the need to be in control but the fact is, this is a pattern I need to change and I can only change it by doing so consciously and making an effort to focus on it and work on it daily. 

I like to feel in control of what is going on in my space because I find a sense of security in that predictability. I find a sense of security in knowing what comes next. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that. We can't control how people feel about us, how they respond to us or how they care for us. We can't control anything outside of ourselves. The only control we have is our own reaction to outside events. Our behaviour is our responsibility just as other people's behaviour is theirs. 

Wanting to control everything around us leads to heartache. It leads to disappointment. I think the worst effect it has on us though, is that we are unable to accept help from others when it is offered. Let's face it, when we accept help from others our egos and our pride take a little knock. We have to admit that we are not invincible and we are not in control of everything and not everything in our lives goes as planned. 

But you know what? If you really take the time to think of it, that's a wonderful lesson to learn. 

In stepping away from the need to control everything in your life, you learn how much you are loved, how much you are valued and how much the Universe and the people around you care for you. There may be some hurt involved in realising that some of the people you would like to care for you actually don't but that in itself is the Universe showing you who needs to share your journey. 

I know that letting go of the need to control brings freedom and peace and joy. I am learning to let go of that need and learning to accept the beautiful unpredictability of life. I am learning to allow myself to be loved as I love those around me. This is my journey right now and I am embracing it with gratitude.