21. Feb, 2019

Painting our worlds

We tend to paint our world in colours that represent our current world view. Simply put, we don't see things as they are but rather as we are. This in itself can become a dangerous way to see things. Not necessarily from the point of view that we are in physical danger but rather from our own expectations of how people should be, how relationships should look and how the world should respond to us. 

Again, balance is so important. We need to balance our sense of idealism with a healthy sense of reality. We can't expect everybody to be good to us just because we are good to them. We can't expect our partners to put 100% into their relationship with us just because we do. 

That's where reality steps in. It would be wonderful if things were just as we dreamed them. But they aren't. We need to have enough of a clear sense of our own boundaries to understand that when people don't treat us the way we treat them we have two choices. We can either accept and allow or we can walk away. 

I know that walking away from people we love is often the toughest thing we can do. You know what's tougher? Repairing the psychological damage that comes from situations where we are treated badly. 

I can already hear people telling me that we shouldn't have expectations. I disagree. We should have expectations because that is exactly what defines our boundaries. A life without boundaries in unhealthy. We shouldn't be so attached to our expectations that we are unable to accept that they won't be met. There's a fine line... try not to use it as a jump rope. 

Love yourself enough to allow yourself to see the best in people. Love yourself enough to be honest when they don't live up to that. Love yourself enough to know how far you are willing to be pushed away from your ideal. Most of all though, love yourself enough to be open to those who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't block yourself off because you've had a few disappointments. Learn to see without the rose tinted spectacles and you might even enjoy the new colour scheme.