19. Jun, 2019

Wounded bird syndrome?

At what point do we stop trying to heal the world and turn our attention to healing ourselves so that we're better positioned to heal others?

It's a common pattern that many healers fall into. I call it wounded bird syndrome. As healers, we attract many people who are bent, bruised and broken. It's a wonderful thing that they are drawn to us. Most of them really want to heal too. Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships where our partners require healing and if they want to heal then it's fantastic. Sometimes they just don't want to and it becomes somewhat less fantastic.

The path of growth for many healers is learning to recognise the signs of those who aren't prepared to actually do the work required to heal themselves. I'm seeing more and more people who are identifying the signs in the early stages of a relationship. It's a reason to celebrate, right?

The path of growth is endless though. As much as we need to celebrate each step, we also need to be constantly moving forward. The obvious next step is learning to walk away as soon as we realise that a person is not willing to do what they need to do to be whole human beings. It's learning to walk away when we realise that brokenness is so much a part of a person's identity that they are terrified to be anything else.

This is where the wheels seem to fall off. We're stubborn types, most of us. Here's the thing... the only people who are not bruised, bent or broken in some way by life are those who have never experienced life. It's just one of those things that can't be avoided. You're going to have relationships with people who are slightly damaged. It's okay. Not one of us is unscarred. We can't reject people because they've had life experience but we need to learn to walk or even run away when the damage isn't just damage but an integral part of who a person is... a part they hang onto because it allows them to feel that they are the centre of attention.

Bottom line here is that there's damage and there's damage that comes from creating your own drama. And I tend to think that drama is the true underlying factor in the people who don't deal with their damage but use it to create damage in others. Drama seems to follow them wherever they go.

You're not going to maintain your peace if you're involved with someone who is intent on creating storms. I don't care how strong you are or how high your vibration is. Emotional storms erode peace in the same way that physical storms change the physical landscape.

So maybe it's time to make a decision that not every wounded bird would like to fly again and that it's okay to walk away. And maybe it's time to examine our own motivations for wanting to heal every wounded bird. Maybe if we do that, we'll stop seeking them out.